


Thoughts of mind

by WillofDark



Series: Long past gone [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4804277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillofDark/pseuds/WillofDark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In-between glimpses of Abby Griffin's thoughts about certain events throughout the two seasons.<br/>Can be read in connection with  'I can barely say' or seperately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to put this as seperate from the fic 'I can barely say', yet there are small hints to a past like in the the forementioned fic, as must of Abby's thoughts and emotions will be in some way or another connected to Marcus Kane. Therefore, I created this as a series. Though, I don't know if there will be a third part, yet.

The view is amazing from where I am standing. All dark and empty if not for the stars shining. Hidden from the eyes are the endless space. Planets and constellations that eyes from the Ark can't reach nor see, but knows exist. At one point the generation before me searched for life out there.

The Ark. My home. The home I thought I would live and die in, because what other options were there? 

Wishful thinking, that is what those options were. Those words he always said. The words I hate to hear because I am not a creature of such rambling, and he knows that. I am not a wisher, I was, but I stopped being one.

Yet at every turn, he makes sure to remind me and reduce me to exactly what I am not by simply saying those _words_. I would call it hypocritical, even shout it to his face, if the changes in him were not so obvious, so painful. 

I would never admit to him, or to anyone, that it pains me to see what he has become. 


	2. Chapter 2

Sending Clarke and the rest of the hundred down to Earth was not an easy decision. It was either that or floating them, and I did not want my daughter to suffer the same fate as her father. It is time like these that I miss Jake. Oh, I do miss him everyday, the rings a reminder of him, but in times like these I feel the lack of him even more, that he is not here with me. 

  
Thelonious got himself shot and the chances of him healing fully.. Stubborn man, walking around without any protection from the guards, fully knowing that the Ark is rebelling against itself. I want to blame _him_ , but I know that he would have done everything in his power to protect the Chancellor, yet doubt is building within me. I am not ashamed of doubting him anymore, not after everything. Not after what Callie tells me, not after how he rarely talks to his mother and not after now. He is gonna float me. Marcus is gonna let me die, and I just know that he will not even blink.


	3. Chapter 3

I am still alive, and that is all that matters right now. If Thelonious had not come to my rescure, I would have been dead and _he_ would have had to live with that throughout his whole life. Not one single person on the Ark would have let him pass a day without reminding him, somewhat indirectly, of the day he floated their doctor. _I_ would not be there to tell them to stop guilttripping him, because even to this day a part of me still care about him and his feelings, and he does not even know. 

I held my head high when I saw him after the incident, and I am holding my head high as I go behind his back to go down to Earth. Ten days to prove them and him, his resolute head, that the hundred is still alive. Ten days to not let more than 300 people, our people, die for nothing, when there is another way.


	4. Chapter 4

320 people. Dead. I could not go down to Earth. I could not  stop them with going through with the plan. I was hell bent on succeeding and yet I failed. And _then_ , after everything, we got contacted by Raven and the 100. _His_ face in the stage of processing the news, the first face I looked at as I said _She's still alive_ , will be imprinted in my mind.

Later, I will analyze and categorize the emotions, and compare them to the same ones from a time long gone, as well as know that he would make himself suffer and take it harder than most. Later, unbeknownst to me, I will delve in sorrow for the 320 people, for Jake and for Clarke. For lost chances. 


	5. Chapter 5

Diana Sydney is back on the Council. My place. She is a plague on this whole ship, a hidden snake waiting for the right moment to strike. After everything, Thelonious decided that she was essential. She is not clean, and I have a feeling that things will get worse. 

Of the all stupid things Thelonious could do, this one would have to be the worst. The passing glance I shared with  _him_ told me that he felt the same about the decision. 


	6. Chapter 6

Unity was not enough to keep us together, and now everything is shattered and scattered in pieces. The dead, _oh the dead_ , are lucky to have escaped the storm I had a feeling was coming. Seeing the look in his eyes as he held his mother, may she rest in peace, was enough to age me years. Regret and sorrow had flickered in his eyes, pleading me to do something, and I could not. She was gone.

Perhaps if Diana had not emerged, I could have said something more. Time was not on my side though. I saw in his eyes the same suspicion that reflected in mine upon Diana's mysterious disappearance, and appearance in good health and _alive_.

I let him go in search of a dangerous criminal, a criminal in grief for his wife. I let Marcus go, despite wanting to have him stay near me, where I could keep my eyes on him.


End file.
